Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

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Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

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Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

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Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

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Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

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spent two days reading blood-and-cigars' fics on ao3 as well as headcanons on their blog like a total creep. i find they have much of the same ideas about hellsing as i do, which is heart warming.
one of their posts made me realize i have Some Thoughts about alucard and religion. god i wish i could be assed to sit down and write an actual fic about this.

i would love to read a fanfiction that explores alucard's faith and his (one-sided) relationship with god.
headcanon time! dracula was a devout christian in life, after all. he found great respite in his faith many times, until the very last blow of fate which he found especially unjust. he felt betrayed and abandoned by his god in that moment, and most of all he was scared of death, so he turned away from the light and fell into darkness.
and i think alucard still believes in god with just as much passion, only a switch has been flipped and in death he delights in committing atrocities to spite god, like an unruly child trying to rile up his parent.
he knows he failed god by running away from death and turning into a monster instead of accepting the fate he's been dealt with humility as he should have, so in his mind, there's no chance of salvation for him. so he keeps piling up sin upon sin, digging his grave deeper so to speak, as if to further cement and remind himself what he's become, out of self hatred.
he may have escaped death but he still ended up in a hell of his own making, poor bastard.
and this could be made more interesting when put in contrast with integra's stance on religion. i think she is more driven by her duty to the queen and her people than faith, and she's too busy to dwell on the questions of the divine too much.
to integra, god is an abstract idea, very far removed from her daily routine of hunting monsters, dealing with idiots and filing paperwork. but to alucard, a once very pious man, god is akin to an absent father who never returns his calls.
wouldn't it be funny if the no life king was more religious then the head of a paramilitary organisation closely affiliated with the church? heheh.

@темы: Hellsing

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Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

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Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

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Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

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Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

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Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

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Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

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Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

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Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

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Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

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Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

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Закрытая запись, не предназначенная для публичного просмотра

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how weird is it to feel like a failed writer if i've never really been one? there are like a dozen ideas that have been sitting there gathering dust in my backburner, all in different stages of completion, some of them a decade old or more, some lost along with old notebooks or notes on my old phone. the lost ones i miss like one would miss their own abandoned children. those that i keep here, sometimes i come back to them. they're like a patchwork blanket, some parts of them are perfect and polished, others make me cringe.

i used to enjoy the process of writing so much. nowadays i barely ever get an idea that keeps me up all night while i frantically try to write it down till it runs away from me like i used to.

got one of those yesterday for the first time in a while. that one's a stubborn bitch, one second it's there in all it's glory, dialogue snappy and plot points flowing into each other with natural ease, the other i can't remember a fucking word of what i just heard in my head so clearly. damn it.

i dunno what this means for me. maybe my uh, let's call them writer tendencies, finally atrophied because i haven't been following them. there was always something more immediate and more important to do. or maybe it's because i've been feeling down lately. getting motivated to do anything is hard these days.

anyway, i sure wish i made at least some of my stray plot bunnies into stories. maybe it would've made me feel more accomplished and less like a waste of space.

@темы: personal

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about spectacular spidey #207

well. i never saw that coming.

@темы: marvel, spider-man

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about spidey #385

been catching up with the old comic books lately and stumbled upon this gem.



so i guess in marvel multiverse DC heroes exist as fictional characters? that's a pretty cool concept.

@темы: dc, marvel, spider-man